His Australian accent doesn’t help things, either. Yes, I stated this point earlier, but holy fuck does it need repeating!īasically your standard leather-daddy getup, minus the cop hat. A leather belt that he wore around the chain mail vest, making it seem as if he were wearing a skirt.A large belt that turns said chain mail into a little skirt.
#WATCH COMMANDO 2013 MOVIE#
After I’m done, West Hollywood will be renamed “Vernon Wells.” Where to even start… Bennett spends nearly the entire movie wearing the following outfit: In fact, if I ever go back to school, my thesis will detail how the late twentieth/early twenty-first century embracing of homosexuality stems from Vernon Wells’ portrayal of this particular character. Oh, wait - I know the reason.īut, you can’t talk about the amazing gayness of Commando without mentioning Bennett.
And, for God knows what reason, Arnold is in a pair of skimpy speedos for at least four minutes. Arnold also of course picks up another man by his balls. The commander says, “Silent and smooth - just like always.” Is that what straight men say when another dude sticks ’em with something hard from behind? Didn’t think so. When Arnold’s old commander comes to tell Die Governator that somebody is killing all of his old men, Schwarzenegger sneaks up behind him and puts a hard gun in his back. While flipping through his daughter’s Tiger Beat a few scenes later, he exclaims, “Why don’t they just call him Girl George? It would cut down on the confusion.” Meaning of course that while others might have been confused about Boy George’s sexuality back in 1986, Arnold knew the straight truth. He’s all sweaty and determined looking, rugged, and accompanied by a steamy steel drum and sax solo! Bear City, USA, man. Olympia is carrying a big chainsaw with a four-foot blade and an even larger log on one shoulder. The first time we see Arnold in Commando, Mr. The Republican Party had to make Schwarzenegger look like the worst heterosexual predator since Marv Albert just so that their own people would vote for him. I mean all the crap about Arnold being Der Gropin’fuhrer was just a rightwing-ruse to distract Californians from the fact that Schwarzenegger has starred in the single gayest movie ever made. Gay men get fucked by–not with–Arnold Homoeroticism: Somewhere… somehow… someone’s going to pay! Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Commando – Jonny’s Favorite Film… Tagline: